Survival and Grief
There is no transcendent moment of growth or meaning in watching a childhood friend die of cancer. There is no learning experience that will somehow make me stronger. Only horror, helplessness, loss, and grief. I am deriving no spiritual uplift from this experience, only depression and despair. If someone wants to talk to me about post-traumatic growth, I will spray paint their car.
Others disagree with me, I'm sure of it. For religious reasons. And I will respect their beliefs. There is no point in being a skeptical asshole to a grieving family.
The most important point here is that dying patients should not have to suffer this much. I wrote about this and related issues seven years ago, as my father was dying of cancer.
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I had more of a voice back then. Today I feel hopeless about the state of the world and my ability to have any impact on it. But I will try to keep my happy memories alive.
I love you.
RIP.
posted by The Neurocritic @ 5:15 PM
10 comments
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10 Comments:
I'm so sorry
Your intelligence and insight provide a great light in this world. Hope you feel better soon.
Jen in San Jose
<3
Beautyfully written, hard to read – all the best to you!
Thank you.
Sorry for your loss. You have an interesting blog. I hope you feel better soon.
warm e-hug! hope you get a real one too.
chalwanna -- I appreciate the e-hug.
And thank you, jonathan.
I am so sorry for your pain. I just read this, as I was preoccupied this Fall, with my best friend since I was 15 dying of cancer. He was only 54. May I read what you wrote 7 years ago? My dad died, too, this Fall. You may be interested in this essay I wrote: https://medium.com/@thaler/the-narcissism-of-grief-978484a0c010
very insightfull. I totally agree that witnessing is the right response. I've been in places , divergant ones where this was underlined. one end was a solo musician thanink his audience. (it was a small venue, you could feel the give and take tho no applause intruded the shared space. IN adult children of alcoholics, a no crosstalk zone, the same palpable presence of listeners and its affects are sometimes loud and clear, at least to a silent mind not chattering over it. And on occasion, a speaker will remark as well. soul? spirit? lets just stick with shen.
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