Saturday, October 31, 2009

Psychopharmacology of Lycanthropy


Fig. 5 (Davis et al., 1992): Drawing from an original photograph by Kirschbaum of one of his subjects undergoing transmogrification after experimental exposure to amplified illumination at lunar wavelengths.

VERY ORIGINAL RESEARCH * RECHERCHES EXTRAORDINAIRES

From the Orphan Drug Research Institute (an affiliate of Yoknapatawpha University), 666 Rowanoak Circle, Jefferson, Miss. This is the first report from the institute's Orphan Drug Development Program.
Objective: To develop pharmacotherapies for the orphan disease lycanthropy through the pursuit of the etiologic hypothesis of a genetically determined hypersecretion of endogenous lycanthropogens.
Design: Quadruple-blind, Rubik's Cube matrix analysis.
Setting: Community practice and malpractice.
Participants: Subjects selected from inbred Ruficolla populations in Mississippi, Georgia, North Carolina and Minnesota. All who entered the study finished it.
Interventions: Chemical screening of blood samples over a hypothesized secretory cycle of lycanthropogen peaking on the day of maximum lunar illumination. Administration of synthetic lycanthropogens for behavioural testing. Experimental lycosomatization through the illumination method of Kirschbaum.
Outcome measures: None were post hoc, but some are still in hock.
Main results: Two putative lycanthropogens were isolated from the blood samples. Structural elucidation and synthesis permitted animal and clinical trials; in each of these, behavioural dysfunction was observed. Antilycanthropogen strategies included application of the principle of caged compounds and generation of a therapeutic immunoglobulin. The effects of a newly developed antihirsutic agent seemed promising. An interaction of the lycanthropogen-secretion system and ethanol was noted, which may explain behavioural aspects of alcoholism.
Conclusions: The incidence of lycomania in North America is underestimated. Soon-to-be-available pharmacotherapies should promote its early detection and treatment. Full control may depend upon advances in gene therapy.


Fig. 1 (Davis et al., 1992): Structural formulas of endogenous lycanthropogens.

The full paper is available as an open access article, so don't delay in reading this RECHERCHES EXTRAORDINAIRES in its entirety. It's Halloween, and there's a Bad Moon Rising...

Reference

Davis WM, Wellwuff HG, Garew L, Kydd OU. (1992). Psychopharmacology of lycanthropy. CMAJ Apr 1;146(7):1191-7.


Teen Wolf, shown Car Surfin' USA (Kids! Don't try this at home)...

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4 Comments:

At October 31, 2009 3:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If any of the authors have tenure, it should be stripped away from them! :)

 
At November 06, 2009 1:52 AM, Anonymous sean said...

Their source journals are funny too. I particularly liked the "J Ultratough Molec Biochem"

 
At November 06, 2009 2:09 AM, Blogger The Neurocritic said...

J Biol Psychol./Worm-Runner's Digest is good too...

 
At September 26, 2010 10:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This report was hilarious! The Nacerima is American spelled backwards and the Ruffocullum refers to rednecks of the south! This was classic satire! Loved it!

 

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